Marriage is a Carnival. Or Something Like That.

We booked it months ago.

A Carnival cruise.  A celebration, five year of marital bliss.  Sunshine, beaches, food, fun....all systems "go" for amazingness.

And then, a cruise ship stalls on the water, a whirlwind of bad press for Carnival.
Then, another ship breaks down.  And another.
Conversations about our impending trip began to include the phrase "you didn't book on Carnival, did you?"  Yes.  Yes we did.  Before any of their mess erupted.

But that mess hasn't derailed our plans.  We're crossing fingers that Carnival will go over and above to assure confidence amongst their guests.  It's gonna be great.  Heck, our ship's name is Victory!

I think this planning experience has been a fitting representation of our first five years of marriage, actually.  Great expectations, nothing can go wrong.

And then, heartache.  Grief.  Confusion.  Dependency on each other, dependency on the Lord.  When we said our vows, we had no idea what kind of messiness would interrupt our lives.  We have faced more mess than the average newlyweds.

But it hasn't derailed us.  In fact, as trials tend to do, it has refined our relationship in ways I couldn't have imagined would have been possible...ways The Lord was working for "good" that I just couldn't see in the midst of such tragedy.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger- right, Kelly Clarkson?

So, Bon Voyage, friends.  We are cruising into our next five years with a great deal of  experience behind us...and the confidence that whatever may come our way, well, we already have "Victory" over it!

P.S. I forgot to bring my swimsuit.  Sigh....

No Naps In Heaven.

Something pretty intense happens when one participates in leading a worship service.

When you know that GOD is empowering you to do what you do, it's quite humbling.
It's thrilling to be a part of the Holy Spirit's energy moving within our collective worship time.
There is camaraderie with fellow musicians, and unity is championed.
AND, it is personally gratifying to know that God is affirming you as you use your gifts appropriately for His Kingdom.

It's, like, wow.  Glimpses of Heaven.

I often leave church on a high.  I sing all the way home.  I reflect on the morning.  I thank God for allowing me to serve in the way I do. 

Then, I CRASH.  And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who experiences this massive wave of exhaustion after intensely engaging in worship.

Because not only is worship leading thrilling, it is also a massive sacrifice of energy.  It's an investment of time, and as artists, we pour our heart and soul into our worship gatherings.


It's the culmination of days/weeks of practice.
It means early morning and late night rehearsals.
It means exerting a crazy amount of energy.
It can literally be painful as shoulders, fingers, feet take an extra beating.
And, as I've experienced, the enemy tends to fight hard against those serving Him in any capacity.

As I was hardly able to move from exhaustion after such a morning recently, I was considering Heaven and what worship must be in the presence of God.  Um, intense much?  Much more than 5 songs on a Sunday morning, anyway.

How exhausting, right?!  Surely there are breaks for those gathered around the throne to rest intermittently...

I can't even wrap my limited brain around the idea of a body that doesn't grow weary.
That doesn't have the physical limitations that we do.
That doesn't need a NAP after worship.

Worship with no "after"...just WORSHIP.  All day.  Every day.  Forever.

It's gonna be incredible.
On this earth, we will grow tired and weary...especially if we're doing it right- worship leaders and worshipers alike.  To engage heart, mind, body, soul is intense, but satisfying.  It's the ONLY way we can live the way God created us to live- in communion with Him, surrendered lives postured to praise.

And it's okay to take a nap, too.  :)

This Post Has a Point, I Promise.

When Chris and I were dating long-distance, the two-hour time difference we experienced really made scheduling phone calls a challenge.  By the time I woke up, Chris was already at work.  By the time he was done for the day, I still had two or three hours left.  With multiple evening commitments on my end during the week, often my only opportunity to really "talk" with him was later in the evening before my bedtime (after Chris had already fallen asleep).  Conversations went something like this...

Me:  Hi honey!
Chris: (groggy and quiet)  Heeyyyyyyy.
Me:  How was your day??
Chris:  (still groggy) Goooooooood.
Me:  Sorry to call so late, I was at rehearsal.
Chris:  (as if stretching simulaneously)  Thaaaaat's okaaaaay.
Me:  What did you do tonight?
Chris:  (silence)
Me:  Chris?
Chris:  Huh?
Me:  What did you do tonight?
Chris: (yawns) nothin.
Me:  Do you want to go back to sleep?
Chris:  Mmmmmm...zzzzzzzz.

I learned pretty quickly that it's completely useless talking to Chris in his sleepy state.  SO, we switched our phone call agenda to a Chris-will-call-Jamie-on-his-way-to-work-at-4:30am-her-time plan.  I'm much more coherent in that kind of situation.

I don't know why I forgot all of this last night when I waited up till midnight to sing "Happy Birthday" to my sweet husband.   Because when I was done singing sweet nothings in his ear, he grunted and continued to snore.  FAIL.

*****
Our daughter Kendall has had some trouble....ummm....pooping.  She does "potty" like a boss.  But when a Number #2 is looming, her routine has become whining frantically as she holds it in for two days amidst multiple false alarm trips to the toilet. 

Such was the case yesterday as she threw herself around hysterically, complaining of tummyaches and refusal to "push one out".  This scenario makes everyone in our household frustrated and anxious to see her JUST GET IT DONE.

Off the cuff, Chris told Kendall that it would be a great birthday present for him if she would just do her POOPY in the potty.  Something about that statement must have been the incentive she needed, because ten minutes later, she was doing her business.

"DADDY!!  I HAVE A 'PRIZE FOR YOU!"
"I WENT POOPY IN THE POTTY!"

Me:  Hey Chris...you should come see Kendall's birthday present to you!!  hahahahaha :)

I'm still figuring out how to wrap that sucka.  :-P

*****

All of that to say:  we may not be eloquent, but we want to wish a great husband, daddy, friend a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY in our own special way.  We love you!!

Resurrection

Res-ur-rec-tion  (n.)

1. The act of rising from the dead or returning to life.

2. The state of one who has returned to life.

3. The act of bringing back to practice, notice, or use; revival.

 

This day is a celebration of resurrection- that of the LIVING CHRIST, who conquered the grave and shattered the darkness, affording me an ETERNAL life with Him.  

 

This is a beautiful time of year.  In some places, green plants are bursting up from the ground, some even sprouting bits of color.  Here in North Dakota, we don't get to enjoy traditional spring goodness;  Sundresses are replaced with closed-toed shoes and warm jackets, Easter eggs will be found in houseplants rather than hidden in grass, and our Easter bunny will have to sludge through the remaining two feet of snow in our yard.

But somewhere under that blanket of white is the promise of green.  

New life.  Resurrection.

It's coming.  In fact, as I type, the sun is beating down and our snow drifts are getting smaller.

I'm acutely aware of so many things in my life that need constant resurrection.

Sometimes it's as simple as the ability to get out of bed in the morning.  After a bad night with the kids (and both have had their issues lately), I physically need an infusion of energy, attitude, LIFE.  I pray often for this...morning, nighttime, and all the time in between.  Jesus, give me NEW LIFE today.

Sometimes it's a freshening up of things that have become stagnant.  Marriage, motherhood, worship, wardrobe...big things, little things.  A romantic date night, a fun art activity for the kids on a cold day, playing an old favorite song a new way, buying a new pair of jeans... make a little effort and the effects are great.

Reconnecting myself to my own health has been a much needed resurrection in my life.  When I decided to institute some self-control in order to restore self-esteem I've gradually lost over the years, the outcome was drastic.  20 pounds out the door in almost four months will do HUGE things for a positive spirit!

Most importantly, I need a daily resurrection of my connection to God.  I pray for opportunities, quiet moments in which I can invest in that imperative relationship.  I allow too many distractions to infiltrate my life, things that deaden my ears to his voice and blind me from seeing his work in my life. 

As I write this, I am praying for you who is reading...may you experience resurrection today wherever you may need it the most.  And, above all, may you know personally the NEW LIFE that comes from the resurrection of Jesus Christ. 

Happy Easter to you and yours!

I'm Baaaaaack!

Thank you!

I've received messages in various ways from over a dozen of you, expressing....well, concern for me and lamenting the lack of posting on the 'ol blog.  I've thought about you.  I really have.

Me:  I should blog today.
Bed:  You are getting sleeeeeepy...very sleeeeepy.
Me:  (Yawn.)  Maybe later.

Me:  Whew- a few extra minutes while the kids nap.  (Opens blogger...)
Carter:  WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Me: (sneaks up to computer for a few minutes)
Husband:  HUNNY!  I'm home!  What's the plan for dinner??

Me:  Here, sweeties...play with these toys while mommy does the computer.
Kendall:  But MOMMMMY!  I want to play MY GAMES on the 'PUTERRRR!

Me:  Let's try this again...
Phone:  BZZZZZ!  BZZZZZ!  BZZZZZZ!
Me:  Hello?  Oh HI!  Yes, I have time to talk...

Me:  Finnnnaaaally, kids are in bed.  Where was I?  Oh yeah...Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Truly, I've had a half-finished blog post for two months...now it needs an overhaul because it's outdated.  I'll get on that.  But at this time, I just wanted to let you know that I'm alive, I'm okay, and I'm slowly regaining some motivation for getting back to business here.

Friends, family, followers...thanks for sticking with me.
:)

See Ya on the Other Side.

Chris and I made a pretty big decision for our family last week.
It happened while we were sitting in church.

I was attentively listening to Pastor Matthew's sermon when I happened to glance to my left and caught the eye of a friend sitting with her family on the opposite side of the Sanctuary.  We exchanged a quick smile and wave, and continued our studious note-taking (pfft!).
Shortly after that, I saw another friend, and another friend, and another friend...all sitting in the same general area of the Worship Center. 

Admittedly, I tuned out from the sermon for a few moments to evaluate the current situation.  We sit on the right side of the Sanctuary.  Always have.  It was most convenient to slip out with a fussy baby to the nearby nursing mommy room. 

Well, guess what.
I'm not a nursing mommy any longer.
And, months later, even though I play piano on the opposite side of the stage, I exit the opposite side of the stage, and everyone we KNOW sits on the opposite side of the stage, we were sitting in the same old place.  It just didn't make sense.  Let me illustrate...

The above shows where I play the piano on a given Sunday morning.  It's on the left side of the stage.
We usually sit just to the right of this picture, about 5 rows up on the side.

 

 To get to my seat after worship, I exit the stage on the left, go down a flight of stairs (sorry, I couldn't capture that in my illustration), across the downstairs choir room, down a corridor of classrooms, up another flight of stairs, down the aisle of the church, around and up (with an occasional detour to the cafe).  No wonder I'm always out of breath when I finally sit down!

Wouldn't it be easier if we just SAT on the left side?  It literally astonishes me that we didn't think of this months ago. 

Now, I know church seating can be tricky territory. 
If you sit someplace long enough, it can feel like you own it.
I know, because I grew up Baptist ;-)

But, I'm learning to embrace change in my adulthood.
Some changes we don't have control over.  I've had a lot of those lately.
And other change shakes things up just enough to give us a welcomed new perspective.

Our new perspective will be from the left side from now on...or until we feel another change is necessary.    If you're at Bethel on Sunday, we'll see you on the left side ;-)

Star Spangled Silliness

Dude.
One whole month of 2013 is almost in the books, and I have TWO blog posts to show for it!
It's not that I don't have a whole stash of amazing prose in my brain...(that may be a slight exaggeration...)
It's just that, well, we're on potty watch 24/7 'round here.
You know how that goes.
"Kendall, do you need to go potty?"  "Kendall, let's sit on the potty!"  "Kendall, no!  Wait!  Let's get to the potty before you.....sigh."
As it is, my hands wreak of anti-bacterial hand soap, 409 and carpet cleaner are in the bullpen, and my eyes have been perpetually fixed on the aforementioned three-year-old.

So, there you have it...a whole blog post about why I haven't written more blog posts.  Awesome.

Here's a random tangent...
All of the media attention regarding Beyonce's alleged lip-syncing has been, in my opinion, silliness- silliness we'll have to relive in several days because I'm pretty sure Superbowl Halftime acts get a teeny weeny bit of recorded help, and the "controversy" will be kicked up all over again.  I'm okay with it.  There are plenty of variables that make a live, outdoor show quite challenging.  Just do your thing, Beyonce.  Do your thing.

I saw this and it made me laugh hysterically...I think even non-musicians can appreciate the humor in this:

I'm sure Alicia Keys will produce a similar rendition this weekend before the big game.
We'll enjoy watching it with good friends and good food :)

I'm a Fun Girl, I Promise!

I went out to lunch today.
Sound exciting?  Maybe not to you, but fairly monumental to me.  Let me tell you why.

It required me to get out of my pajamas and put on my makeup...before noon.

If I live in close proximity to you, chances are you haven't seen much of me in the mornings.  It's not that I'm a hermit...I'm not.  (But she is.  haha)  I used to be what's called a "social butterfly".  But these days I've been looking more like a recluse moth.

Having a child who doesn't sleep can be taxing on both the body and spirit.  After waking up multiple times a night with Carter, I learned very quickly that I couldn't recoup my energy in time to be functional in the morning.  (Some people are born with this gift, I am not.)  Coffee, even in abundance, is just no substitute for sleep.  So, I just took mornings OFF the calendar.  And, to be honest, it lifted some anxiety...the awful feeling of knowing you have to be up and out in an hour and you're still rocking a baby.  However, my spirit has been suffering as my inherent need for connection has been squelched.

I remember having a similar feeling a couple months after Kendall was born.  It was February in Duluth, and- uh- it wasn't warm outside.  The easiest scenario for me was staying bundled up inside and enjoying naps with my newborn.  But two months inside our little house (with a dog that drove me crazy, I might add...) gave me an intense case of cabin fever.  I remember making the decision one day to change it.  So, I started making daily outings to the mall, just to walk.  And walk.  And walk.  It was an empowering decision...accompanied by an "I can DO this" kind of freedom.

I had a similar epiphany recently, but have felt physically limited by sleep deprivation.  HOWEVER, and I'm a little afraid to report this because it could literally change overnight, Carter has been on a week-long slumber-fest, giving us stretches of five to eight hours a night!  Do you KNOW what a difference this can make to one's energy levels!?  I've actually felt fragments of my old self being uncovered slowly- a desire to get up, get going, spend energy on friendships because I have a little bit of excess to spend, finally.

I know life is all about seasons.  This has been one long, sleepless season and unfortunately, some of my new friends in Fargo know me as nothing other than a tired, frustrated Mommy.  I'm hoping we've turned a corner here in the sleep department.  And if not, I'm willing to summon all the energy I can to be more intentional with my relationship building.

My new friends here in Fargo have extended more patience and grace to me than they even know.  I'm excited about getting to know them better, and so SO grateful for long-time friends who have been rocks for me during this life transition.  Oh man, God is good.

This rock-solid group of friends has carried me through some tough times. I love you guys!

Christmas 2012- That's a Wrap!

Time for the ol' Christmas WRAP-up!  (See what I did there?)

For me, the Christmas season is always this weird dance between sentiment and stress.  After all, creating memories for my children usually involves some pretty hefty planning on my part.  I'm happy to do it, but I recognize my limits.  In anticipation of this, I completed all of my Christmas shopping prior to Thanksgiving.  It might seem over-ambitious, but it left room for me to enjoy my kids in the midst of the holiday chaos.  With Kendall's birthday (and now Carter's, also) falling between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I have enough to keep me busy WITHOUT the added burden of wackos at the mall.  It works for me.

Here is a little sampler of what we enjoyed as Christmas drew near....
I FINALLY got around to this Pinterest project that I've been excited about completing.  Glad we did it this year, because these little hands aren't getting any smaller...

 

 We put together our Christmas tree and stopped to bask in the new living room ambiance.  My attempt to take an adorable picture of my children in front of the tree was, well...unsuccessful.

 Kendall finally made peace with Rudolph after watching the classic Rudolph movie on television.  "He's not scary!  He's nice!" thankfully, has been her mantra the better half of December.

 We took our kids for the first time to the Rheault Farm Santa Village, where Kendall was able to write a note to Santa (someone explain to me the logic of writing a note and mailing it to the NP when you'll meet Santa in five minutes...but whatever), decorate cookies with Mrs. Claus, and meet the jolly man himself!  Kendall was not at all apprehensive...plopped right up on his lap, asked for a "pink dolly" and was elated that she received a sucker at the end!

 

 (Above:  Kendall proudly displays her sucker, while Carter plans to swoop in for the kill...)

 Kendall also watched the classic version of "Cinderella" for the first time, ushering in the era of the princess :)

 Chris, Jamie and Donna enjoyed a Christmas concert featuring Kutlass at our church.

 Kendall, Mommy and Grandma did lots of baking this holiday season, and Kendall was an eager hostess :)

 We began Christmas Eve festivities with a candlelight service at Bethel.  It's kind of terrifying having a toddler with an open flame! After safely extinguishing our candles, we made our way over to the Stavenger home to celebrate Christmas with Chris' family. 

Christmas morning was spent at our home- a mellow, jammies-all-day kind of celebration (arguably the best kind!).  Kendall is at an age where she is pure entertainment when opening and enjoying gifts.  She is so expressive!  Oh, the magic of Christmas to a child!  Speaking of Christmas magic, Santa brought Kendall her very own tricycle...which she has yet to master but is totally excited to learn!  She also received a toy hair salon kit and opened her own "salon"...Mommy, Grandma AND Daddy were all willing customers.  Carter...not so much.

 And, as much fun as it was to watch Kendall open her gifts, it was equally as fun to watch Carter experiment with his newly discovered walking ability!  Toddle toddle toddle BOOM!  He is quite adventurous, needs no prompting, just takes off across the room!  We have, consequently, invested in some new gates. :) 

In the midst of all of that craziness, both kids had birthdays and parties...but I'll have to save that report for another post.  My fingers are bleeding... ;-)

We hope your Christmas was jolly! 

Merry Birthday!

This is my little girl, Kendall.
Isn't she cute?
Tomorrow, December 23rd, she turns THREE years old.

Because she arrived nearly two weeks late, she's got one of those awkward too-close-to-Christmas-stress-mommy-out birthdays. 
Eventually, her birthday celebration will have to be distanced from Christmas festivities- already, it's proving to be icky...it's just a busy time for EVERYONE, and I really want Kendall to feel like she's a priority on her special day.
This year we're keeping things low key and relatively blended- but it will be the last year we do it this way.  Maybe we'll celebrate her half-birthday, maybe we'll celebrate a couple weeks early, we'll get it figured out. 

I'm so excited to celebrate this girl tomorrow. 
She has been the greatest blessing of a child I could ever imagine- patient with her brother, sleeps like a champ, loves to help, entertains us with her singing and dancing.  She has more personality than that petite body can hold, so it spills out and leaves a trail of sparkles everywhere.  

God knew we needed her, and she has brought so much joy to our family.
Happy birthday to my sweet Bug-Bug, Kendall Mendall!

Blessed Assurance

Well, [long exhale here]...

Last Sunday, we were part of a worldwide candlelight vigil for parents who have lost children.  Less than a week later, twenty more sets of parents were violently inducted into that horrible club.

I've had some time to process the events of last Friday, though I'm not anywhere close to reconciling this horrific act with a peaceful spirit.  The two are diametrically opposed.  I know that others are trying to do the same, and we're all failing miserably.  I've seen posts insinuating that this was somehow God's will or that it happened because we've removed God from the schools, yadda yadda.  People, this is JUST NOT TRUE.  It was NOT God's will for these precious children to die in such a tragic way.  I fully believe His heart is broken over this, just as it was when His Son died a brutal death on the cross.  And, without embarking on a political commentary here, God is as present in the schools as He has ever been.  Just because children aren't rallied together to pray doesn't mean that God has fled and left school children to fend for themselves.  It's just not so. 

As we ALL struggle to restore our faith in humanity, and more importantly, lean into our faith in God, it's important to remember what is TRUE, what is CERTAIN.  A message from Bayside Church's pastor resonated with me, so I'll share this excerpt with you:

I am certain that this senseless act breaks the heart of God because…
  • I am certain that God understands what it means to lose a son
  • I am certain that every one of today’s victims was precious to God
  • I am certain that God is near to the brokenhearted
  • I am certain that no life is ever devoid of meaning no matter how short
  • I am certain that Jesus meant it when He said, “Let the little children come to me”
  • I am certain that life is precious and that every day with your kids is a gift
  • I am certain that America needs to rediscover a reverence for life
  • I am certain that a day is coming when suffering will cease and God will reign
  • I am certain that when anyone closes their eyes here for the last time and wakes up in the arms of Jesus – they will be more alive than they have ever been. 

I have seen the effects of losing a child first-hand, and it introduces an element of fear in me that I can't even describe.  I don't know how I would cope had it been my own child caught in the line of fire.  Honestly, I can't even allow myself to think about it too hard.  My heart aches for the community of Newtown, as reports of daily funerals trickle in.  All I can do is pray that the PEACE that passes all understanding descends on them and that the nearness of God makes itself overwhelmingly apparent.  I know you are praying that with me.

The Light of Remembrance

Our family will be again participating in the upcoming Worldwide Candle Lighting, an annual hour of remembrance for all children who have died, at any age, from any cause. 

Started by The Compassionate Friends and now in it's 16th year, it takes place the second Sunday of December, this year on Dec. 9th.  Around the world, candles are lit from 7:00 pm to 8:00 pm in each time zone, creating a wave of light circling the globe. 

Perhaps the timing of this event has something to do with the busy holiday season - the Christmas parties, parades, the toy and gift advertisements, Santas at the mall, the plans for family gatherings and holiday vacations - a time that is family-focused, and can bring the absence of a child (or, in my case, a sibling) into sharper focus.  In the midst of all that, it seems a good time to pause, reflect, take stock of things that matter, let a light join many others in remembrance, and with the strength of that collective surge of support, go on through the holidays.

We'll light a candle for Derek, in gratitude for the light that he was and will always be in our lives, also remembering with a special prayer the many other moms and dads who are in this world without a child, brothers and sisters who have lost a comrade in life.  If you'd like to join in, just light a candle Sunday at 7:00 pm and be a part of the wave!  As it moves around the world, it is sure to be a spectacular show of light and love from heaven's view that no Disney parade or TSO concert can match!  

(hat tip to Deez Central for this original post.)

If you'll be participating in this simple gesture, we'd love to know about it.  Let us know who you'll be remembering with your candle. 

Teach Your Children Well

I spent many years as an elementary school teacher.
After putting in hours, days, months of imparting knowledge to these little ones, I can't tell you how appreciative I was when parents went the extra mile to reinforce concepts at home.  Conversely, it was so frustrating when parents left e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g up to me. 

Now, Sunday School operates in a different system altogether.  Unlike grade school, I feel as if I am/should be my child's primary teacher when it comes to our faith.  I trust Kendall's teachers, but I don't drop her off on Sunday mornings expecting her to glean her spiritual lesson for the week and "close the book" until the following Sunday.  I know far too many people- adults- that practice their Christian walk on a weekly-check-in basis.  You'll see them at church, but you'll never hear Jesus' name uttered in conversation thoughout the week.  (Well, you might...)

We want to model for our children what walking with Jesus daily looks like.  And bringing that down to a three-year-old's level of understanding is sometimes a challenge.  I try to make it a point to pray with her multiple times a day, not just at the dinner table, not just at bedtime.  Some days, like today, I fail miserably.  Lately, we've had problems with whining and moping, so quick prayers asking Jesus to "help change our attitude" have been teachable moments (ohhhh, Lawwwd...we've had a lot of these lately!).  In this Christmas season, spending time in the Word has been natural.  The Awana program at our church provides a more structured lesson midweek, and Kendall enjoys seeing her friends. 

When we started attending Bethel, we noticed that Kendall's Sunday School lessons were always summarized in a coloring page which she proudly awarded to us after church.  I began collecting them and assembled a binder full, which we read on a regular basis.  Not only does it display Kendall's artwork, but it continually reinforces what she knows about God.  We love it...and Kendall looks forward to adding a page in her book every week!

This mama is always looking for new ideas.  How are you helping your kiddos walk with Jesus daily?  Creative ideas? 

Scary Reindeer!

Last year, Kendall received a plush Rudolph doll. 
Well, it didn't go over so well.
She burst into tears every time she saw it.
I chalked it up to the two-year-old crazies and put it back in the box of decorations.

This year, we came across it as we were decorating the tree, and Kendall was pretty interested. 
"Great!  Last year was just a fluke", I thought. 
As the night wore on, her little imagination slowly broke her down.
Yes...this was the same scary reindeer that traumatized her last year, and she hadn't forgotten.

Now, poor Rudolph is again relegated to spending the Christmas season in hiding.
If, by chance, a certain little brother finds him in the toybox and sets him free, you'll find Kendall wincing and whining in the other room.
I'm interested to see if watching the Rudolph movie on TV will change her opinion of our resident reindeer.
For now, Rudolph better steer clear of this girl:

Our Nativity is Better Than Yours

Our toys often get mixed up.  I found all of the above friends hanging out with baby Jesus today.
Just in case you missed it, that IS a koala appearing with the angel.
Also, the lesser-famous attendees at the birth of Jesus:
The chimpanzee
The flamingo
The crossing guard (for all the flamingos, apparently)
The zookeeper
AND the small child in a wheelchair.
(Because the "good news of great joy shall be for ALL the people"...including the disabled.)

Oh, and our nativity has a ferris wheel.  So, yeah.  Best nativity ever.

Giving Thanks

Hi friends.  Welcome back.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed a special Thanksgiving this week. 

Our Thanksgiving Day was restful, as we chose to abate tradition this year in favor of letting someone else cook for us.  We weathered the heavy snowfall and headed to a local restaurant to partake of our Thanksgiving feast.  It's funny how people seem to instantly pity you when you tell them you're eating out on Thanksgiving.  "Come over to our house!"  "We'll have some extra!  Please swing by!"  Listen, I think it's just what we needed this year.  No fuss, no mess, no stress.  And while you folks were scrubbing your broiler pans and spot-cleaning wine glasses, I was snuggling my kids on the couch watching "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving". 

I love Thanksgiving traditions, but it was nice to have a little break this year...and believe me, Kendall was happier with her macaroni-and-cheese than a plate of turkey and stuffing.  :)

I was listening to a radio program in the car on Wednesday night.  The host asked the question, "What are you thankful for this year that you couldn't have imagined being thankful for last year?"  Callers trickled in.  Babies.  New job.  Relocations.  As I tried to formulate an answer for myself, I thought surely not everyone can answer this question.  I mean, they don't know what kind of a year I've had!  I don't exactly feel *thankful*, not more thankful than last year anyway. 

And then I picked up my copy of  Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist.  I haven't read through the book entirely, but I quickly flipped through some unread territory at the back of the book.  A chapter called "Happy Thanksgiving" seemed timely, so I sat down to scan it.  And then, I came across a paragraph which seemed to pen what has been swirling in my head:

"What I've found this year, though, is a different kind of gratitude. ...in the swirling pain and confusion of that season, a few people told me that at some point, I would be happy for this, thankful, even.  That didn't sit well with me, and it felt even worse than the cliches about closing doors and opening windows.  It felt cruel:  not only was I not supposed to be sad, I was supposed to be thankful?  It felt inauthentic and creepy, and I swore to myself that even if I healed someday, even if the pain abated, even if I was happy again, I would never be thankful for this.  I would never be one of those people who's thankful for cancer because of what it taught them, or thankful for the divorce for teaching them to be independent.  I would never be thankful for this."

Okay, so I'm not the only person in the world struggling with gratitude.   Circumstantial gratitude, anyway- if there is such a thing.  At the core of my being, I am always grateful for God's grace, for His patience with me, for walking with me through deep valleys, for keeping my eyes open on days marked with utter exhaustion, for the gift of motherhood (even when it gets tough), for the joys of family and friends.  Even as I write these now, I'm realizing that I appreciate all of these blessings more than last year, belatedly answering my radio friend's question.

I read on, and God spoke to me as He often does when I'm paying attention- and He had my full attention.  Indulge me, if you will, as I share one more passage with you:

"I am all the cliches that made me so mad several months ago.  I believe in the gift of pain.  I believe that loss deepens us.  ... I am grateful for God's graciousness toward me that he would teach me these things.  And I could gag at that sentence, for how Pollyanna it sounds.  As much as I hate to admit it, I've found a new gratitude, and it's gratitude for the way God has redeemed darkness and pain, for the way He brings something beautiful out of something horrible.  ... When we stood in a circle to pray and close our night together, we held hands and thanked God for the darkness, and for the way the darkness had become light, and in that moment, we practiced Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving for the uncomplicated happiness of babies and friendship and food, and for the very complicated joys that come from loss, from failure, from reaching the bottom and pushing back up to the light."

My blessings looked different this year.  There was one more at our dinner table and there was one less (an unsettling pattern in my life lately).  But as we ate, I felt content.  I giggled as Kendall ordered her own Macaroni and Cheese.  I watched Carter gobble up his first green beans.  Later, we enjoyed the apple pie that my mom and I had made earlier in the day, a blessing in both the making and the eating.  And my husband, who was on-call for the holiday, was home from work in time to share all of it with us.  I am grateful. And like a kid who earns money for that new toy by tending a lemonade stand for hours, I appreciate life and it's richness more.  I appreciate the people in my life more.  I appreciate good days and laughter more.  That's what I was thankful for this year.








 

Carter Update

Thank you for your prayers, friends.  Carter's procedure at U of M was, again, successful.
The surgical team calmly wheeled him back to the operating room, and fifteen minutes later we were with him in the recovery room.
They administered the minimum amount of anesthesia, checked his pressures, determined his eyes looked A-OK and finished up.  No IV, no breathing tube, no sticky adhesives....for that, I'm so thankful. 
The prognosis is great- we'll return in another four months to do a pressure check.  In the meantime, monthly visits to our local optometrist will be added to the calendar. 
The doctors and nurses swoon over Carter every time...this time, noting that he looks like he could issue them a loan or explain to them quantum physics in his sharp new glasses.  :)

Tidbits.

I stumbled across these words scribbled in the back of my Bible...it's worth remembering :)

We are on our way down to St. Paul once again to have Carter's eye pressure checked under anesthesia.  This appointment should let us know definitively whether his previous treatments were successful in ridding him of his high pressures.  If that's the case, we may not have to do this routine again in the foreseeable future!  Anything less than good news from the surgeon would surprise me, as his disposition has shown evidence of contentment in recent months (at least as far as his eyes are concerned).  More on this front soon.  In the meantime, we welcome your prayers.

A Winning Week!

MONDAY

We watched the San Francisco Giants WIN the World Series for the second time in 3 years!  Whoooop!

Kendall proudly sported her Giants shirt from Miss Sharon :)

Carter was our little MVP :)

TUESDAY

My mom and I baked (and baked and baked) a spread of fall goodies and invited our friends to come enjoy them with us!  Pies, breads, trifles, cobblers, cookies, brownies...it was carb heaven, and we had a full house of people we really like a lot.  Totally worth it!

 

 WEDNESDAY

Kendall helped carve her first pumpkin!  She was NOT impressed or interested in touching the slimy insides, but was happy with the friendly outcome!  Then, we ventured out with our little "happy ghost" and "teddy bear" for some trick-or-treating fun!

 

 

 

 THURSDAY

 Kendall and Carter took their first bath TOGETHER!  This is a milestone for us, in part because Carter has never taken a bath without protesting.  I guess having sister in with him was a suitable distraction and...a lot of fun!

 FRIDAY

We made our final selection, and Carter was fitted for his new frames!  Just a little wait while the lenses come in...soon our little guy will look like THIS in his pictures!

SATURDAY

Kendall learned this week how to use the computer mouse, and we haven't been able to tear her away from her Disney Junior games online since!  Two-year-olds....it's scary how quickly they learn!

SUNDAY

I sang at church in the morning, and Kendall wanted to explore the stage after the service.  We soon found her at the piano with the microphone doing her thing, just like mommy :)

Another week in the books! 

Not Just Any Friday...

Five years ago today, I pulled off the biggest scam in history.


Living in Long Beach, I was on my way to a doctor's appointment across town.  Friday afternoon rush hour traffic slowed me down enough that by the time I arrived at the office, it had closed for the day.  "Great.  I'm going to have to take MORE time off of work now," I thought as I hastily walked back to my car.

Tired and frustrated at the culmination of a long week of work, and after a seven week drought in visits from my long-distance boyfriend, I slammed my car door shut and burst into tears.  I quickly dialed my bestie, Stephanie, who told me to go home, clean up, change and meet them for dinner.  Begrudgingly, I headed home to do just that, though I had no desire to spend YET ANOTHER Friday night with a bunch of couples as I sat on my own. 

My next call was to Chris, who listened to me vent about my trying day, and did the best he could to ward off my tears.  Hugs across the phone lines, though, were getting old.  I carefully navigated the way to my apartment as we talked, one mundane turn after another. 

I was prepared to exhale deeply when I walked in to my home- throw my purse on the ground, collapse on the couch and rest.  However, when I turned the doorknob, I looked up to find a man sitting just outside my kitchen.  Quickly, my brain processed what was happening...a bouquet of roses, my boyfriend looking excitedly nervous...

After I RAN to him and gave him a long overdue hug, he sat me down on the couch, dropped to one knee, took out a small black box, blah blah blah blah....YES!!  (Most of that is a blur now.)

Somehow, I convinced this amazing man to share his whole life with me.  Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself.  Well played, Jamie.  Well played.  :)

For the whole proposal story, check out the original blog post here :)