I've been getting a handful of people asking me for advice lately...not sure what propelled me into "Dear Abby"land or whether I'm qualified at all, but I'm always happy to give my two (or three) cents worth. I'm sure it can be attributed, in part, to my former students (6th graders now in college, 2nd graders now entering high school) experiencing relationships. Ah, young love. You remember, right?
This question came to me this morning, and I thought I'd let some of you help me out. The context is: college sophomore, first dating relationship. She comes from a divorced family. Her boyfriend has broken up with her in the past and tends to be fairly argumentative.
So this is where my question lies, the person you love, is it ok for them to treat you bad on occasion? Is it a good thing that he affects me so strongly? I’m lost I know a relationship takes work but if I’m trying so hard to be the best I can be then why do I get hurt? Do married couples or even couples that have been together for a long time still hurt each other? Do they ever worry that the person they love is going to break up with them after an fight or argument? What am I suppose to do with this man? I love him and a lot of his traits and the way he is but he hurts me so bad at times with the few bad traits he has. ?????? Hope you can give me some good advice Miss P. if not then its cool.
What say you, married couples?
1 comment:
Well,I'm no expert, but I have been married for almost 8 years. And this is the second time around for me (second marriage). I also come from a single parent family.
There are a lot of unknowns here that I can't begin to address, like 'How bad is bad?' If he beats you, then naturally I say "NO!" It's definately not OK. Then anywhere down the scale from there my opinion would change. At the bottom of that scale would be something like "being argumentative".
With that said... I don't think it's "'OK' for them to treat you bad...", it just happens on occasion; to all of us. I think that no matter how much you love and adore someone you are going to have differences on occasion. That's natural. The trick is to have a mutually solid, committed relationship where you can each agree to disagree. For me, that level of maturity wasn't achieved until I was in my late 30's. Everyone is different, but it does take that certain level of maturity on both parts.
"Do married couples or even couples that have been together for a long time still hurt each other?" Of course! Not intentionally, but it happens, we're human! And it depends on what's going to hurt you that day. For me, I tend to have mood swings (caused by diabetes) where something trivial will just devastate me one day and the next day I laugh it off. After my first marriage I was always so afraid of being left, that I never saw past that fear. Now I have a partner that I feel committed to and I know that we're together no matter what!
Young love, especially the first serious adult relationship, is always the hardest. The hardest to maintain, survive through and survive from. But many first loves do work out beautifully. It just depends on each others level of maturity and committment to the relationship. If it works, Great! If it doesn't, you will just want to die because it hurts so bad, but believe me... you live through it, and move on.
The bottom line I guess is "COMMUNICATION". Mutual, mature communication. If you can talk to each other and allow yourselves to really get to know each other, then you can more easily accept each others little faults because you know where their coming from.
It just dawned on me that none of this would have worked out for me if we weren't "equally yoked". Being in a relationship with someone on the same spiritual path, loving God and loving your neighbor.
Well, there you have it! You asked!! I stand by all this, for now, unless my better half says different. lol ;)
J
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