One More Thing...

Autumn is upon us.
The leaves are changing colors, and warm smells of cinnamon, cider and soup have been wafting through our home.
I got out our fall decor yesterday and Kendall helped me adorn the house :)
And a quick trip to the neighborhood farmers' market yielded some unexpected purchases:  a bottle of homemade honey and three pumpkins to enjoy! 

Although there have been many blog-worthy things happening around this place, it seems all I have been able to post are occasional updates on Carter.  Sorry about that...I will be bringing to you more entertaining things in the near future.  But in the meantime, here we go again...

Carter's Behavioral Specialist appointments are underway.  Three times a week, he will see the doctor who has a PLAN to wean him.  Of course, the DAY BEFORE his initial appointment with the doctor, he decided to suck down some juice at home.  (What a booger!)  I'm hoping that means this process will go more quickly than we thought.  I am not allowed to attend sessions with Carter, and our home assignment basically relegates me to a big case of B.O. ....  BACK OFF.  Nighttime routine will change with the non-nursers in the house rocking Carter back to sleep when he wakes.  This makes me feel sad and guilty, but hey- I've been doing ALL the nighttime routine myself for 10 months now.  A few weeks with some help, and we'll have a whole new operation here!

And, this morning we had a check-up with the Eye Doctor, which I was dreading and for good reason.  He had a pressure check on his eyes (this has been done under anesthesia for the last few months) which meant restraining him, having his eyelids clamped open and an instrument applied to his eyeball for reading.  It's awful.  We had this done at his very first check-up- he was three months old- and I bawled.  This time, I shrunk back into the corner as far as I could and covered my face.  I could hear his feet excitedly kicking the table as he scrrreeeeamed, and every instinct to push the doctors out of the way, grab my baby and run was successfully harnessed.  The result was a satisfying report of "normal" pressures.  Our next pressure check will be in the cities

My souvenir from the appointment was a prescription for Carter's GLASSES- which he'll need to address his near-sightedness (caused by the Glaucoma).  I'm not going to lie...although I've been getting many encouraging responses from friends who think he will be SO CUTE in glasses, I shed major tears on the way home.  Maybe it's the idea of having to look at those beautiful eyes through a glass barrier now.  Maybe it's the idea of having ANOTHER challenge to face (like he's going to keep those glasses on his face?!  HA!).  I don't know.  I guess I'm just an emotional basketcase today.

That's it for now-
I promise I have non-Carter related posts to share, stay tuned!

Another Referral...

Whew!
Moving on... ;)

I just wanted to post a quick update on Carter's weaning challenges.
In a nutshell:  I gave up.
I "starved" him out for several days straight, but this method is clearly not advantageous in moving him past this stage.  

We consulted his pediatrician at his 9-month appointment.
I reported every method I've tried, and she consulted a lactation specialist.
BOTH agreed that Carter's early life trauma may be contributing to my inability to wean him.
So, while the doctor agreed that the "starvation" method may be effective for other babies, Carter may require some special coaxing away from the security he finds in me.

Therefore, we are meeting with a child psychiatrist/behavioral specialist whose specialty is:  Infant feeding.  Again, we're in the right place for our medical needs with Carter.

And, forgive me, but I giggle every time I think of Carter sitting in on a fluffy couch across from a man with a pipe and a notepad.  "So Carter, tell me about your abnormal attachment issues...."

Oh, Brother.

Oh, Brother.
Oh, bother.
Both have been on the tongue lately.

Long story short, I'm weaning.
Long story long, when Carter was teeny tiny, he would NOT lay on his back.
We had no idea why, and now have retroactive empathy, but at the time....ugh.  LAY ON YOUR FREAKING BACK without screaming, please!  As we now know, laying on his back contributed to increased pressure in his eyes.  Increased pressure = increased screaming = even greater pressure*.
To alleviate that problem, and to get ANY sleep at all, Carter started sleeping with me.  ON me.
Fast forward nine months.
I have a wiggly, squirmy, 20-pound baby still "sleeping" on me. 

The problem I've had with crib training is unique- that is, I haven't been able to easily google an answer.  While the "cry-it-out" method worked quickly and easily with Kendall, we have been- literally- under Doctor's orders NOT to let Carter cry excessively*.  Well, what's a mommy to do if baby won't go in crib and mommy can't let him cry?

Answer:  9 months of sleeping in Mommy's bed while Daddy kicks it on the couch.


While I love my baby boy DEARLY and our snuggle time is great, getting a fist in the face at 3 a.m. is not.  And, I can't help but sulk every time I pass his beautiful nursery in which he has never slept overnight.

I say, we're done.  It's time to restore justice in this house.
Weaning is in full swing here, and we have a very challenging baby that winces every time a bottle/cup/spoon/dropper/etc. gets near him.  This has added up to four days of ZERO milk feedings during the day. 
YES, I've tried everything. EVERYTHING.
Do not leave suggestions for me in the comment box, I will kick you in your virtual shin.
All of our doctor's suggestions, every random method I searched...all unsuccessful.
He's just being SO stubborn!

So, I've banked all of my hopes on the fact that eventually our persistence will pay off and he'll cave!  I'll be elated to report when it happens.

Until then, oy.  Pray for me.

The Anti-Napa

Sorry I left you hanging after that last post...
I had good intentions of posting "part 2" of the birthday fun sooner than this!
Anywho....

While in Stockton, we planned a wine-tasting-vineyard-hopping spree around Lodi wine country. 
Now, Napa- Lodi's bigger and more popular older sister- has a pretty good monopoly on Northern California wine interest, in the media spotlight, anyway.  Few people think of Lodi as a hotspot for some great vino!  And, as Lodi grape-growers are quick to tell you, many Napa wines get their grapes from good ol' Lodi.

Well, where Napa is quick to charge a pretty tasty penny for a sip of their wines, Lodi- with few exceptions- hosts all tastings free of charge.  Though wine wasn't the central theme of our time together, we enjoyed a few glass-clinks in celebration of friendship at the following wineries:

Dancing Fox Bakery and Winery

What a pleasant surprise this was!  Nestled in the heart of downtown Lodi, it's English cottage-style ambiance was the perfect place for us to grab a bite to eat and kick off our afternoon.  And, the attached tasting room was friendly and generous with our party :)  With some varieties that we had never tried before, we ended up bringing home some Cherry Wine, Petite Syrah, and Almond Sparkling Wine.  We'll be back to this little gem, for sure!

Berghold Vineyards

Just as pretty as it is tasty, we enjoyed our time looking at displays of fine silver, exquisite accessories, and antique furniture.  The gardens were a great backdrop for some pictures, and the ornate tasting room a good place for a quick nursing session (!).  Hey- it had to be done.

Look at this crazy beaded handbag! 

Viaggio Estate and Winery

Yowsa.  New, fancy, beautiful.  This winery is working it all.  So lovely, in fact, that we decided to sit and stay a while.  While a wedding was occupying the gardens, we enjoyed the tasting room courtyard virtually to ourselves.  Lots of space for girl-talk and laughter, a great cap to our afternoon.
Oh, and pretty good champagne, too ;-)

 

Cheers to a happy reunion!  Until next time...

Birthday Fun in the Sun

Earlier this month, my Mom and I visited Stockton to celebrate our birthdays.
(My planned birthday vacation in June was canceled because of family drama.)
I know what you're thinking-- of all the places we could celebrate our birthdays, why STOCKTON, that broke-down, bankrupt mess of a city?
The Stockton we know is filled with friends who are like family, so returning is like coming home.
Both of us thoroughly enjoyed our time in the asparagus capital of the world, and used our time making memories with all our favorite people.

 

Happy birthday, Mom...I hope you felt surrounded by LOVE on your special day!  <3 br="br">

Insta-Monday

It's Monday and I don't feel like writing anything.
So...you get pictures.  Lots of them. 

Baby, You're a Firework.

Let's just *pretend* it's still July, shall we?
This post is a stretch, but I couldn't let these pictures get lost in the abyss of iPhoto without sharing them first.

The Fourth of July landed on a Wednesday this year, which made it awkward to take an excursion to the lake for the weekend.  So, we spent the Fourth in good ol' West Fargo, and invited some friends to join us for some holiday fun.  I reminisced about our block parties as a child as I waved to neighbors outside barbequing- our neighborhood has a very family-oriented feel to it. 

It was sweltering hot, so we set up a pool for the kiddos (by kiddos, I mean OTHER kids since our kid wouldn't touch the water).  Chris threw some meat on the grill, we cracked open a bottle of wine, and enjoyed our time with friends.  Unfortunately, at that time, Carter still freaked about the outdoors (I'm happy to report that it has improved a GREAT deal!) so we switched off staying inside with him. 

After the sun went down, we heard the pyrotechnics starting, so we ventured out the driveway where we got QUITE the surprise!  No need to ever leave our house on the fourth- we had a 360-degree fireworks show!  So, we parked ourselves on the lawn and enjoyed the glittery sky for almost an hour.

 

I think by this point in the evening, Kendall was done :)

5 Things To Do Today That Don't Involve an iPhone

1.  Make pancakes for breakfast.  (Blueberries for me, sprinkles for the Buggins)

2.  Plant flowers in our garden.

3.  Read a new book with Kendall.

4.  Enjoy a pasta dinner with fresh vegetables from the Farmer's Market.

5.  Think of something to blog tomorrow.  :)

I Used To Lead Stuff.

There was a time in my life that I didn't read for recreation...I read for purpose.
Purpose in the form of John Maxwell's Laws of Leadership and Covey's Seven Habits of a Highly Effective Leader.  I could fill an entire bookshelf with books about leadership.

I'm pretty sure I sold them all at a garage sale.

I used to attend conferences.  Conferences on Worship Leading.  Conferences on Church Leadership.  Conferences on Education.  These events were little bursts of momentum, pushing me toward my career goals and refining my leadership skills. 

This week, I cleaned play-dough off our kitchen floor.

I used to have my own classroom, directed school programs, approved school curriculum.
I used to direct my own worship team(s), plan services alongside the pastors, teach a Bible study.
I've led Sunday Schools, Summer Programs, and taught Piano Lessons.
I've instructed college courses, counseled students getting though their degrees, and coordinated leadership events at the State Capitol of California with the State Superintendent of Schools.
Heck, I even started a Master's Degree in Education and ORGANIZATIONAL LEADERSHIP.

I used to lead things.  

And that's not to say being a Stay-At-Home Mommy isn't a leadership role.  It definitely is (don't jump on me with your Mommy flags- I know it's the most important job in the world!).  But, I've gone through a major identity crisis in the last couple of years that I'm still trying to navigate.  God has given me more than my fair share of leadership opportunities in the past.  And I'm sure there will be more in the future.  I'm just floundering a little bit in the "now".

So, with an open mind, I attended the Global Leadership Summit simulcast after it was offered to me at our church.  In the past, I would have jumped excitedly at the opportunity.  I'd be lying if I didn't have a "how does this apply to me" attitude this time around.  I listened attentively to the excellent cast of speakers, and tried to extract as much as I could to put into practice in my currently tiny sphere of influence.  I sat there listening to Condoleezza Rice and thought that my life is pretty much the polar opposite of hers.

My major take-away is that I've been privileged to be a leader in my lifetime.  I'm thankful that God wired me this way.  Not everyone is capable of such responsibility.  And I'm even more thankful for the 'hiatus' He's planned.  It's awkward, at times,  to not have specific career goals driving me on a daily basis.  My KIDS are driving me (crazy, most of the time).  But I suspect that, in the future, I'll be in positions of leadership again and I will long to be home, playing with my babies again. 

Thank you, Lord, for the ability and opportunity to lead my children, up close and personal, as they grow during these formative years.  I can't think of anyone more qualified for this most important role.

Swingin'

Most people have been enjoying the outdoors for months now.
We have to tread lightly in that area because Carter haaaaaates the sun.
Yesterday, we had a rare treat....a pleasantly overcast day!
So overcast, in fact, that Carter didn't mind venturing into the backyard with us!

We thank the Lord for small blessings, like seeing our kids swing side by side, and being outside as a family.

Yep...that's a smile!

When God Heals...

When God heals someone, it often leaves medical professionals dumbfounded.

Our surgeon sat down with us and exhaled deeply.
"We didn't have to do surgery.  I thought for sure we would have to do surgery.
I had the entire room prepped to operate!"
Chris and I did a happy dance on the inside.
In the OR, she had checked his pressure in each eye....normal.
She checked each eye again....normal.
(Normal is 10-20.  Before his first surgery, he was near 70.  Friday, he measured 12/13!)

Not JUST normal, like barely normal...SUPER normal!

What an answer to prayer in this journey.
He is no longer considered a "Glaucoma" patient!
We will monitor his pressure levels locally in a couple of months, then again in the cities in 4 months.
Praying now that his pressures will stay consistently normal, and we can put this whole mess behind us!

Residual damage still lingers, however, in the form of photosensitivity.
He is still extremely sensitive to light, and has conditioned himself to clamp down on my shoulder- often shuddering- whenever we head outside or under bright lighting. 
This is due to the cracks on his corneas that occurred when his pressures were sky high.
The surgical team took some pictures to show us their current condition:

Those lines you see are all cracks.  Both eyes have similar damage.

Because these can feel like hair in your eyes, his discomfort is understandable!  We have begun a series of drops that will make the cornea smaller, theoretically causing less pressure on the cracks themselves.  Otherwise, we have to wait it out as new tissue grows over.



Hopefully, one day in the NEAR future, Carter will know what it is like to have eyes that don't hurt him.  We are confident that God will faithfully complete the good work He has started! 

Here We Go Again!

Today we head down to St. Paul once again.
Carter's next procedure is tomorrow (Friday).
We are optimistic, based on his last surgery, that he won't need surgery this time around.
However, we won't know what is necessary until he is again examined under anesthesia.

Amplatz Children's Hospital has been an outstanding host to us.
It is a comfortable place to wait out the tense hours away from our baby.
The staff has been incredibly supportive, even offering me equipment and space to pump.
We are so grateful to not only be in the hands of a very capable surgeon, but in a place that knows exactly how to comfort and equip anxious parents as their children undergo surgery.
Thank you, Jesus, for your provisions!

Please join us in praying for LOW PRESSURE READINGS in BOTH eyes.  

This will eliminate the need for further invasive surgery tomorrow.

We thank you for believing with us, and Carter thanks you, too!