Giving Thanks

Hi friends.  Welcome back.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed a special Thanksgiving this week. 

Our Thanksgiving Day was restful, as we chose to abate tradition this year in favor of letting someone else cook for us.  We weathered the heavy snowfall and headed to a local restaurant to partake of our Thanksgiving feast.  It's funny how people seem to instantly pity you when you tell them you're eating out on Thanksgiving.  "Come over to our house!"  "We'll have some extra!  Please swing by!"  Listen, I think it's just what we needed this year.  No fuss, no mess, no stress.  And while you folks were scrubbing your broiler pans and spot-cleaning wine glasses, I was snuggling my kids on the couch watching "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving". 

I love Thanksgiving traditions, but it was nice to have a little break this year...and believe me, Kendall was happier with her macaroni-and-cheese than a plate of turkey and stuffing.  :)

I was listening to a radio program in the car on Wednesday night.  The host asked the question, "What are you thankful for this year that you couldn't have imagined being thankful for last year?"  Callers trickled in.  Babies.  New job.  Relocations.  As I tried to formulate an answer for myself, I thought surely not everyone can answer this question.  I mean, they don't know what kind of a year I've had!  I don't exactly feel *thankful*, not more thankful than last year anyway. 

And then I picked up my copy of  Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist.  I haven't read through the book entirely, but I quickly flipped through some unread territory at the back of the book.  A chapter called "Happy Thanksgiving" seemed timely, so I sat down to scan it.  And then, I came across a paragraph which seemed to pen what has been swirling in my head:

"What I've found this year, though, is a different kind of gratitude. ...in the swirling pain and confusion of that season, a few people told me that at some point, I would be happy for this, thankful, even.  That didn't sit well with me, and it felt even worse than the cliches about closing doors and opening windows.  It felt cruel:  not only was I not supposed to be sad, I was supposed to be thankful?  It felt inauthentic and creepy, and I swore to myself that even if I healed someday, even if the pain abated, even if I was happy again, I would never be thankful for this.  I would never be one of those people who's thankful for cancer because of what it taught them, or thankful for the divorce for teaching them to be independent.  I would never be thankful for this."

Okay, so I'm not the only person in the world struggling with gratitude.   Circumstantial gratitude, anyway- if there is such a thing.  At the core of my being, I am always grateful for God's grace, for His patience with me, for walking with me through deep valleys, for keeping my eyes open on days marked with utter exhaustion, for the gift of motherhood (even when it gets tough), for the joys of family and friends.  Even as I write these now, I'm realizing that I appreciate all of these blessings more than last year, belatedly answering my radio friend's question.

I read on, and God spoke to me as He often does when I'm paying attention- and He had my full attention.  Indulge me, if you will, as I share one more passage with you:

"I am all the cliches that made me so mad several months ago.  I believe in the gift of pain.  I believe that loss deepens us.  ... I am grateful for God's graciousness toward me that he would teach me these things.  And I could gag at that sentence, for how Pollyanna it sounds.  As much as I hate to admit it, I've found a new gratitude, and it's gratitude for the way God has redeemed darkness and pain, for the way He brings something beautiful out of something horrible.  ... When we stood in a circle to pray and close our night together, we held hands and thanked God for the darkness, and for the way the darkness had become light, and in that moment, we practiced Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving for the uncomplicated happiness of babies and friendship and food, and for the very complicated joys that come from loss, from failure, from reaching the bottom and pushing back up to the light."

My blessings looked different this year.  There was one more at our dinner table and there was one less (an unsettling pattern in my life lately).  But as we ate, I felt content.  I giggled as Kendall ordered her own Macaroni and Cheese.  I watched Carter gobble up his first green beans.  Later, we enjoyed the apple pie that my mom and I had made earlier in the day, a blessing in both the making and the eating.  And my husband, who was on-call for the holiday, was home from work in time to share all of it with us.  I am grateful. And like a kid who earns money for that new toy by tending a lemonade stand for hours, I appreciate life and it's richness more.  I appreciate the people in my life more.  I appreciate good days and laughter more.  That's what I was thankful for this year.








 

Carter Update

Thank you for your prayers, friends.  Carter's procedure at U of M was, again, successful.
The surgical team calmly wheeled him back to the operating room, and fifteen minutes later we were with him in the recovery room.
They administered the minimum amount of anesthesia, checked his pressures, determined his eyes looked A-OK and finished up.  No IV, no breathing tube, no sticky adhesives....for that, I'm so thankful. 
The prognosis is great- we'll return in another four months to do a pressure check.  In the meantime, monthly visits to our local optometrist will be added to the calendar. 
The doctors and nurses swoon over Carter every time...this time, noting that he looks like he could issue them a loan or explain to them quantum physics in his sharp new glasses.  :)

Tidbits.

I stumbled across these words scribbled in the back of my Bible...it's worth remembering :)

We are on our way down to St. Paul once again to have Carter's eye pressure checked under anesthesia.  This appointment should let us know definitively whether his previous treatments were successful in ridding him of his high pressures.  If that's the case, we may not have to do this routine again in the foreseeable future!  Anything less than good news from the surgeon would surprise me, as his disposition has shown evidence of contentment in recent months (at least as far as his eyes are concerned).  More on this front soon.  In the meantime, we welcome your prayers.

A Winning Week!

MONDAY

We watched the San Francisco Giants WIN the World Series for the second time in 3 years!  Whoooop!

Kendall proudly sported her Giants shirt from Miss Sharon :)

Carter was our little MVP :)

TUESDAY

My mom and I baked (and baked and baked) a spread of fall goodies and invited our friends to come enjoy them with us!  Pies, breads, trifles, cobblers, cookies, brownies...it was carb heaven, and we had a full house of people we really like a lot.  Totally worth it!

 

 WEDNESDAY

Kendall helped carve her first pumpkin!  She was NOT impressed or interested in touching the slimy insides, but was happy with the friendly outcome!  Then, we ventured out with our little "happy ghost" and "teddy bear" for some trick-or-treating fun!

 

 

 

 THURSDAY

 Kendall and Carter took their first bath TOGETHER!  This is a milestone for us, in part because Carter has never taken a bath without protesting.  I guess having sister in with him was a suitable distraction and...a lot of fun!

 FRIDAY

We made our final selection, and Carter was fitted for his new frames!  Just a little wait while the lenses come in...soon our little guy will look like THIS in his pictures!

SATURDAY

Kendall learned this week how to use the computer mouse, and we haven't been able to tear her away from her Disney Junior games online since!  Two-year-olds....it's scary how quickly they learn!

SUNDAY

I sang at church in the morning, and Kendall wanted to explore the stage after the service.  We soon found her at the piano with the microphone doing her thing, just like mommy :)

Another week in the books! 

Not Just Any Friday...

Five years ago today, I pulled off the biggest scam in history.


Living in Long Beach, I was on my way to a doctor's appointment across town.  Friday afternoon rush hour traffic slowed me down enough that by the time I arrived at the office, it had closed for the day.  "Great.  I'm going to have to take MORE time off of work now," I thought as I hastily walked back to my car.

Tired and frustrated at the culmination of a long week of work, and after a seven week drought in visits from my long-distance boyfriend, I slammed my car door shut and burst into tears.  I quickly dialed my bestie, Stephanie, who told me to go home, clean up, change and meet them for dinner.  Begrudgingly, I headed home to do just that, though I had no desire to spend YET ANOTHER Friday night with a bunch of couples as I sat on my own. 

My next call was to Chris, who listened to me vent about my trying day, and did the best he could to ward off my tears.  Hugs across the phone lines, though, were getting old.  I carefully navigated the way to my apartment as we talked, one mundane turn after another. 

I was prepared to exhale deeply when I walked in to my home- throw my purse on the ground, collapse on the couch and rest.  However, when I turned the doorknob, I looked up to find a man sitting just outside my kitchen.  Quickly, my brain processed what was happening...a bouquet of roses, my boyfriend looking excitedly nervous...

After I RAN to him and gave him a long overdue hug, he sat me down on the couch, dropped to one knee, took out a small black box, blah blah blah blah....YES!!  (Most of that is a blur now.)

Somehow, I convinced this amazing man to share his whole life with me.  Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself.  Well played, Jamie.  Well played.  :)

For the whole proposal story, check out the original blog post here :)

Mommy's To-Do List

Ahhh, it's the first day of a new month.
I love the squeaky-clean freshness that brings.

Every job has periodic performance reviews, but as a stay-at-home-mommy, I have to take a little initiative in making myself better at my "job".  I found this cute little to-do list, and thought this would be as good a time as any to implement it.  Really, these are ALL things we should be doing on a regular basis anyway.

I can tell you right now:  Day 29 will be the most challenging :)