Thursday, October 22, 2009

Don't Leave Me Alone With Myself.

Howdy-ho, partners.

The house is dark, I've completed my essential Thursday-night television viewing, and am now sitting down to pen some thoughts- which will hopefully be coherent despite my tiredness and a determined baby pressing against my belly.

Have you ever felt vulnerable? Of course you have...it's part of the human condition, and a challenging reality when it comes to the spiritual dimension. Vulnerable, that is, to attacks from the devil himself. I figured out my open door to these attacks a while back, and still struggle with keeping that door closed.

It happens when I'm alone for too long. Don't get me wrong...I've never considered myself to be of the co-dependent sort. But I can very easily let my thoughts snowball until I'm a weepy, sobbing mess. And I know that I can consciously stop that from happening, but often choose not to let Jesus fight that battle for me. It's just easier surrendering to sorrow.

Add into that mix a slew of gestational hormones and, well, I can be quite a wreck.

Chris is away at a conference this week, so I decided to combat the lonely-heart blues by surrounding myself with lots of distractions. I went to Moorhead for a couple days to hang out with Chris' family, a visit that was long overdue. Then I picked up my good friend Karen from CA, who will be staying with me for a week. All of this to avoid the inevitable meltdown.

Most importantly, I'm walking with Jesus on a minute-by-minute basis, and reminding myself that I'm never really alone.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Phil 4:7

3 comments:

Laura Gipson said...

So glad you and Karen get some quality time together! We are continuing to lift you up in prayer. Love you girl.

J mom said...

You are doing all the right things, surrounding yourself with activity and support. There is no need to battle sorrow, however. A good cry is our natural, God-given release for stress and sadness. Let the tears flow once in awhile with no regrets!

Tamara said...

Jamie-
thank you so much for sharing this.
I can identify SO much, and it is so wonderful to hear you speak so openly and honestly.

ps forgive me for the random comment months later, I was catching up on all my blogs that I subscribed to :)