There was a time in my life that I didn't read for recreation...I read for purpose.
Purpose in the form of John Maxwell's Laws of Leadership and Covey's Seven Habits of a Highly Effective Leader. I could fill an entire bookshelf with books about leadership.
I'm pretty sure I sold them all at a garage sale.
I used to attend conferences. Conferences on Worship Leading. Conferences on Church Leadership. Conferences on Education. These events were little bursts of momentum, pushing me toward my career goals and refining my leadership skills.
This week, I cleaned play-dough off our kitchen floor.
I used to have my own classroom, directed school programs, approved school curriculum.
I used to direct my own worship team(s), plan services alongside the pastors, teach a Bible study.
I've led Sunday Schools, Summer Programs, and taught Piano Lessons.
I've instructed college courses, counseled students getting though their degrees, and coordinated leadership events at the State Capitol of California with the State Superintendent of Schools.
Heck, I even started a Master's Degree in Education and ORGANIZATIONAL LEADERSHIP.
I used to lead things.
And that's not to say being a Stay-At-Home Mommy isn't a leadership role. It definitely is (don't jump on me with your Mommy flags- I know it's the most important job in the world!). But, I've gone through a major identity crisis in the last couple of years that I'm still trying to navigate. God has given me more than my fair share of leadership opportunities in the past. And I'm sure there will be more in the future. I'm just floundering a little bit in the "now".
So, with an open mind, I attended the Global Leadership Summit simulcast after it was offered to me at our church. In the past, I would have jumped excitedly at the opportunity. I'd be lying if I didn't have a "how does this apply to me" attitude this time around. I listened attentively to the excellent cast of speakers, and tried to extract as much as I could to put into practice in my currently tiny sphere of influence. I sat there listening to Condoleezza Rice and thought that my life is pretty much the polar opposite of hers.
My major take-away is that I've been privileged to be a leader in my lifetime. I'm thankful that God wired me this way. Not everyone is capable of such responsibility. And I'm even more thankful for the 'hiatus' He's planned. It's awkward, at times, to not have specific career goals driving me on a daily basis. My KIDS are driving me (crazy, most of the time). But I suspect that, in the future, I'll be in positions of leadership again and I will long to be home, playing with my babies again.
Thank you, Lord, for the ability and opportunity to lead my children, up close and personal, as they grow during these formative years. I can't think of anyone more qualified for this most important role.
10 comments:
Jamie: You have so many talents ... that husband and those kids are lucky to have you, in whatever role you take ... hats off to you!
Amen, Jamie. I can totally identify.
Jamie, I can totally relate to your feelings and thoughts. I've felt the same way many times since my role as a wife and mother began. The one thing that I can cling to, and I believe you can too, is that God CHOSE you for such a time as this. He chose you to lead your children. He has chosen you to lead them to know the Lord, to learn how to listen to his voice, to learn how to respond when He calls. He has chosen you to be an example of Him. That's a high calling, but God saw you as worthy, and You will lead them in ways you may never have imagined. There may be blood and tear shed, but you WILL lead these little ones to not only know the Lord, but to serve Him. You have such an amazing heart, and I know your family is blessed to have you in their lives. Your role looks very different now, and at times it's not glorious, but it's more important that any other role we could be given.
I think we have all been there at some time in our life...we trust that God will lead us in the right direction! Your thoughts shared were right on target.
Thanks for sharing! For everything there is a season . . . :)
Jamez U R wise beyond your Years and always have been!! Stay Tuned...you will see in His time! Thank you for sharing!!
This is great... I still see you as a leader:)
Jamie. Leadership is like a wave... it crests with huge movement, activity, potential and power then surges to the shore and gently caresses the sand, changing each grain it touches in some way. As it is drawn back out to sea it is molded and reshaped into yet another wave with great power and potential to change the shape of the shore and move each grain of sand it touches yet again. Those moments when it is being drawn back are times of regrouping, refocusing and redirection, while the tide moves it further down the coast to a new beach and new grains of sand. This happens over and over and over and without that pull back out to sea and the regrouping and redirection of the wave it would simply die on the beach.
The life of a leader is much the same, you need times to be pulled back, to regroup and to refocus to allow God's tide to shape you for the next surge of leadership yet to come. I can't wait to see where you wash up next. :-)
I love that, Caryn. Goosebumps.
Having been there myself over the years, I can certainly appreciate your identity crisis. I don't pretend to know what your specific situation is or what kind of support you get (or don't) for pursuing your own interests outside of your children, but I do know that your children will not suffer if you decide to add something to your life that fulfills YOU and your intelligence and your passions. In fact, they may become even stronger as they see you thrive. That's not to say you should take on anything crazy, but perhaps there's a way to find a small leadership role that fulfills that missing piece for you right now. An opportunity to serve with a local non-profit board, planning a fundraiser for a cause that excites you, exploring some writing opportunities, etc. Something that won't take you away from you children for very long, but will fulfill you on a different level. You don't have to deny your God-given talents, desires and abilities to be the very best mommy you can be to your children. A little bit of balance is okay. It IS the 21st century afterall. :) Let your children see what makes YOU shine and they, in turn, will shine brighter because of it.
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