Praying With Expectation

I just handed our baby boy off to the nurse, and am sitting anxiously in the waiting room trying to distract myself.  If this post seems incoherent, please excuse me.  Lots and lots rolling through my mind, and my fingers are just trying to keep up.

I've always been told to "pray with expectation," calling on the authority we have in Jesus Christ.  I believe it...most of the time.  How I admire those who run headstrong into adversity with such confidence.  "She will be healed!" "Ready for our miracle!" That's not me.  I will confess that when I pray, I hold a little bit of doubt in my pocket.  I'd like to think it's not "doubt," but preparedness for the reality that my will may not align with God's will.  MY will is that Carter will not need ANY surgery today.  God's will may be different, and I don't want to set myself up for crushing disappointment.

So I pray...I pray for peace.  I pray for healing.  But for a miracle?  That's a hard one.  I believe God can do it, but WILL He do it?  Life experience has proved that often God has other plans.  I prayed for my brother until I physically ached...and then some.  I prayed for my parents' marriage until I didn't have any other words....and then some.  I was disappointed at the end of each.  It doesn't mean God is less powerful.  It just means I am more human.  There are limits to my understanding.

The Bible says that God can move mountains.  Oh, that my baby boy would be a testimony to the great healing power of the Almighty!  In the meantime, I pray for God to pull me CLOSE to Him so that my faith can be a testimony in and of itself.